Mentality

Two months from today and I'll be hitting the Approach Trail in Amicalola. Well, shit, that puts it into perspective. The anxiety and excitement is immeasurable, and I'm finding it very difficult to find ways to get myself through these next eight and a half weeks. I've been trying to keep myself busy with things completely unrelated to the AT. But that doesn't work. Oh my, that doesn't work.

I've gone on day hikes, but that sure doesn't curb the hunger to stand on Springer and start the journey. I found myself looking at the blazes (blue, fyi), wishing that they were white and the occasional signs had mileages listed in a four-figure manner. I'm comfortable with my gear. Or at least comfortable enough where I can at least make it to Neel's Gap and reconfigure things if need be. And focusing on gear and possible changes makes me anxious (in the negative way) and upset about my budget. But oh, how trying a different style alcohol stove appeals to me right now...

BAH!

Truth be told, I'm not worried about doing much more preparation for the hike with respect to gear selection (I did my research, and have already put significant work on putting a critical eye on my gear) or physical state. I'm not in thru-hiker form at this moment, but I figure I have five months of walking to get that. I'm in good enough shape where I can easily do the Approach Trail on the first day, set up camp, enjoy the company of future-friends, and not be exhausted. Even though I'm physically able to do 20+ miles on a day hike with a loaded pack, the Appalachian Trail is not a day hike. Starting off with days like that will just push me closer to breaking down. I intend to make it further than Neel's Gap, so this clearly isn't what I will be doing. Therefore, I actually look at spending too much time physically preparing as doing more harm than good. What I do feel I should be spending my pre-trail time on, however, is my mentality.

I've always spent a great deal of time and energy inside my own head. As sociable as I can be, I'm very much fundamentally introverted. In my life, my mind has been a sharp dagger, my greatest weapon. It's a two-edged dagger, however; my own thoughts also have the capacity to be my greatest threat. That's why I'll be spending the next sixty (I just counted it... wow, only 60 days?) days making sure that the darker side of the dagger stays sheathed.

Meditation has always played a prevalent role in my life. Usually this is accomplished through yoga. Controlled breathing and conscious proprioception. I will be continuing this leading up to my departure, and while on the trail, if I cannot do a morning yoga routine, I will attempt to simulate the breathing and body awareness while actually hiking.

My tendency to be able to roll with the punches is going to be important, too. However, I'm thinking that just being easy going won't really help with morale and motivation while hiking for the 5th rainy day in a row. Being real, I'm taking an active approach in addressing and acknowledging that at some point, I'll hit a wall where something like that is going to get to me. Along with that, I'm telling myself that it's nothing unique to me, my ability, effort, or general experience are not to blame in this. Whether you call it the Green Tunnel Vision or Virginia Blues or hiker depression, to me, it's just another opportunity for growth. I'll be ready for it, whenever it does rear its head, instead of being caught off guard and risk taking myself off the trail because I think that the trail is no longer fun.

I won't just groan, throw my pack on my back, and trudge through the downpour, waiting for it to clear. I'll let it be an opportunity to let my personality show - stomping through puddles, singing like I were in the shower (most likely with some faux shower gestures), collect water that I won't have to add drops of Aqua Mira to. All the while telling myself that this is just a small sampling of what will be the greater experience of the thru-hike (Dear scientific me: p < 0.05).

Hell, walking through Virginia in a monsoon is still infinitely more appealing to me than my current predicament. I mean, c'mon, it's hiking. It's pure awesome. Also, I like rain. It makes me feel alive on a primitive level.


I like to think that I've got a metaphorical leg up on a hypothetical counterpart (and their literal leg) that may be in much better physical condition than me at this specific time because of my mental approach to what a thru-hike entails.

Now, how early is too early to start preparing for my mentality after I return from the trail...? Hmmm...